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and the fight started........

teeroy

teeroy

Life Member
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were along side the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes

you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!



He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'



So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'



And then the fight started.....



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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... So, I took her to a gas station.....



And then the fight started....

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.



The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.



So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.



She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.



When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.

You might have gotten disability, too'



And then the fight started.....





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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.



My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'



'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'



'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'



And then the fight started.....
 
Good stuff.The wife asked if these jeans made her butt look big,i said no her butt made her butt look big.and the fight started.
 
How did I get this black eye? My wife asked me if this dress made her look fat. I said "no, chocolate made you look fat."
 
Hear the one about natural breast enlargement? Just rub a small piece of toilet paper between your breasts several times each day. Worked like a charm on her ass.

If you don't get it- think about it....
 
I don't exactly know how I made it to 28 years of marriage with my special lady. I have learned a lot about not going for the joke at all costs. About 19 years ago, we moved into our current house on Janet Circle. My wife's name is Janet. Someone commented about that, and I said 'Yeah, a lot of similarities - a dead end street that doesn't go anywhere.' Then the silence started . . .
 
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CamoMan</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> About 19 years ago, we moved into our current house- on Janet Circle. My wife's name is Janet. Someone commented about that, and I said 'Yeah, a lot of similarities - a dead end street that doesn't go anywhere.' Then the silence started . . . </div></div>

Damn, that's funny. She may not have appreciated it, but I sure did.
 
We were playing in a co-ed softball tournament together. I was up to bat and I slapped a hard ground ball between shortstop and thirdbase for a base hit single. She was in the dougout and shouted, "That-a-way to poke it into the open hole" Standing on 1st base I instinctively replied, "That's what she said".....


and then the fight started...
 
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CamoMan</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I have learned a lot about not going for the joke at all costs.</div></div>

Teach me? Please?

The 'Bonker
 
So a husband and wife visit a resort for vacation. After a morning of fishing, the husband decides to come in and take a nap, but the wife wants more water time. She takes the boat and motors to a sheltered bay, anchors, and pulls out a book.

Minutes later a warden pulls up in his boat. "Sorry Ma'am," he says, "but I'm going to have to issue you a ticket. You're in a restricted fishing area."

"But I'm not fishing," she says. "I'm reading."

"I realize that," says the warden, scanning the boat. "But you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start any minute."

"You're kidding me, right?" she says.

"Sorry Ma'am," replies the warden, pulling out his ticket book.

"Well if you don't put that pen down, I'm charging you with sexual assault," says the lady.

"But I haven't even touched you!" the warden says.

"Yes, but you've got all the equipment. For all I know, you could start any minute!"
 
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