KansasHeadHunter
New Member
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was
submitted by a
guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their
anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking
for a little
something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to
be ! short
lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
allowing her
adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was
disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it ag
ainst a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of
electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet
to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her
microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,.
right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed
to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
admit I
thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of
it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing
to my wife
to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that
it would
work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, taser in
another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
muscle spasms and
a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make
your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any
burst longer
than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible
way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side
as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such
a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to
give myself
a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs
to my naked
thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION*!#$$!%!#*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with
tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to
be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and
tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing
sounds I had
never heard before, licking my! face, undoubtedly thinking to
herself, "do it
again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser,
one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would
be
considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't
be sure, as
time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
little I
had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on
the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My
triceps, right
thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face Fell! lt like
it had been
shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still
looking
for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
return.
Still in shock,
Tommy
submitted by a
guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their
anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking
for a little
something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to
be ! short
lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
allowing her
adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was
disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it ag
ainst a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of
electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet
to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her
microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,.
right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed
to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
admit I
thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of
it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing
to my wife
to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that
it would
work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, taser in
another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
muscle spasms and
a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make
your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any
burst longer
than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible
way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side
as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such
a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to
give myself
a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs
to my naked
thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION*!#$$!%!#*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with
tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to
be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and
tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing
sounds I had
never heard before, licking my! face, undoubtedly thinking to
herself, "do it
again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser,
one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would
be
considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't
be sure, as
time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
little I
had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on
the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My
triceps, right
thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face Fell! lt like
it had been
shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still
looking
for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
return.
Still in shock,
Tommy
